Best Ocean Jokes

A penguin walks into a bar and asks the pharmacist for Chapstick.

After grabbing the Chapstick, the pharmacist asks the penguin, “How would you like that?”

The penguin replies, “Just put it on my bill.”

So this Friday, because I am need of a good laugh, I am asking all DSN readers to contribute their best ocean related jokes in the comments below.  Cleanliness (adultness) of the joke is at your own discretion.

And some more

What did one tidepool say to the other tidepool? Show me your mussels.

Where does seaweed look for a job? In the ‘Kelp-wanted’ ads.

Why don’t oysters give to charity?… Because they’re shellfish

How can you amplify a pirate’s DNA?… PC Arghhh

Warning! This adult joke keeps making me laugh.

Dr. M (1801 Posts)

Craig McClain is the Executive Director of the Lousiana University Marine Consortium. He has conducted deep-sea research for 20 years and published over 50 papers in the area. He has participated in and led dozens of oceanographic expeditions taken him to the Antarctic and the most remote regions of the Pacific and Atlantic. Craig’s research focuses on how energy drives the biology of marine invertebrates from individuals to ecosystems, specifically, seeking to uncover how organisms are adapted to different levels of carbon availability, i.e. food, and how this determines the kinds and number of species in different parts of the oceans. Additionally, Craig is obsessed with the size of things. Sometimes this translated into actually scientific research. Craig’s research has been featured on National Public Radio, Discovery Channel, Fox News, National Geographic and ABC News. In addition to his scientific research, Craig also advocates the need for scientists to connect with the public and is the founder and chief editor of the acclaimed Deep-Sea News (, a popular ocean-themed blog that has won numerous awards. His writing has been featured in Cosmos, Science Illustrated, American Scientist, Wired, Mental Floss, and the Open Lab: The Best Science Writing on the Web.

6 Replies to “Best Ocean Jokes”

  1. What’s an Echinoderm’s favorite karaoke song? “Like an urchin…. woooo… touched for the very first time!”

  2. A penguin pulls into a garage to have his car fixed. The mechanic tells him that its going to be a while, so the penquin decides to waddle over to an ice cream shop for a treat. When he returns, the mechanic says, “It looks like you blew a seal.” The penguin relies, “Nah, that’s just some ice cream that dripped off my cone.”

  3. True penguin story. A friend of mine here in New Zealand had little blue penguins nesting under his house. They make a terrible braying noise at night like donkeys, and my friend was getting fed up with the disruption. “What should I do?” he asked, not wanting to hurt them. “Take them to the zoo” I suggested.
    I caught up with him later in the day – and to my surprise he still had the penguins in a cardbord box. “I thought you were taking them to the zoo” I said. “Yes” he said. “We’ve been to the zoo, and now they want to go to the movies”.
    OK, I lied.

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