We here at Deep Sea News pride ourselves on bringing you the BEST DAMN OCEAN SCIENCE PERIOD. With that mission, we hope to inspire our followers to care about the ocean, share with your friends, and even join the conversation.
Bottom line. We love hearing from you. Fan mail is the best mail.
With all of this Fukushima business, well let’s just say it’s a good thing the team member we put in charge of reading the mail has eight arms. The e-mailbox at our super, not-so-secret lair has been bursting at the seams as of late.
The greater majority of your feedback has been fabulous. We love hearing your questions and we hope that we have been able to provide satisfying answers. Keep them coming!
With that said, not all our fan mail has been dolphins and sea butterflies.
Alas, it seems as if a troll army has found our lair (hence, the not-so-secret bit). Let’s just say, some of our followers have been quite creative with their words (and their death threats) lately.
Many of you might wonder how we deal with some of the more negative bits of our job. It’s simple really. Same way we deal with everything else. A bit of humor and a bottle of rum.
We even came up with a fun drinking game!
For those of you who wish to play with us or are perhaps dealing with your own trolls, pick your poison and pull up a stool! First rounds on us.
- FOR COMMENTS IN ALL CAPS. Take a shot. Capitals mean you really mean it, so you best take that shot like you really mean it. If not, you get to take two.
- Comments demanding who we work for. Start drinking your drink, don’t stop till our “boss” tells you.
- Comments claiming we are getting paid off by <insert entity here>. Got to use that big money some how. Buy a round for everyone in the group cause that’s what good sugar daddies do.
- References to mythical creatures. Take a shot. Repeat. Repeat again. Continue till everywhere you look people have mermaid tails. This could be a while so feel free to sing “Under the Sea” between each shot. This will really help you get into the spirit of things.
- Claims regarding governmental cover-ups. They may have bugged your shot glass. Proceed with caution. Then take a shot.
- Comments with unsubstantiated scientific evidence. Drink this. It’s scientifically proven to put hair on your chest. By some scientists…somewhere. But I don’t quite remember where.
- Death threats. Everyone pours their shots into single cup. Last person to do so…you have been chosen to be hit with the “death threat.” So sad to see you go. Now drink up. As with comments, we give points for creativity. You’re probably not gonna make it anyways, mine as well go out in style.
- Questioning of credentials (ex. You say you’re a ‘doctor’? Right…). Take a shot for every year you have been in college. The person who has taken the most shots AND is still standing….There is your doctor.
- Comments with lots of !!!!!!! Take a shot. For. Each. One.
- “For science in quotation marks.” Take a shot. And then go home. You’re obviously drunk.
- Claims we are not actively doing anything to solve the problem. Everyone sits down. Nobody takes a shot, but everyone complains about not taking a shot.
We acknowledge that there is all sorts of fun that could be added to our “Game of Trolls” list. Feel free to contribute your favorites. Cheers.